Staring at the sun while looking in the mirror to my future.

She's like starin' at the sun 
She could easily blind someone 
Other women, I see none 
She's like starin' at the sun 
She gets on you 
Under your skin like a tattoo 
She'll always be there 
She holds on, stuck in your head like an old song 
She ain't goin' nowhere 
She's like standin' in the rain 
Washes all my cares away 
At the end of a long, hot day 
She's like standin' in the rain 
She's like finally coming home 
And seeing that light in the window on 
After being gone too long 
She's like finally coming home 
Standin' in the rain 
Starin' at the sun

This song is my absolute favorite song! It personifies how I feel about Kendall Rae anytime I see her, text her, hear her voice, kiss her lips. One day in the near future I am buying a guitar and learning to play this. Then, I will sing and play this song for her. She is like staring at the sun. The most astounding, profound thing in the world to me. The more I work, the more I do my exercises and the more I release the pain and hurt that has plagued me for so long, the better I feel, the more capable and empowered I become. I no longer look at myself in shame because of BPD and because of the things I did wrong back then. I am not that person and the man I am today is living proof of that. The final thing I have left to fix is the relationship I broke. I want to start fresh with her, to show her that I am progress, I am improvement. Today, I will take more steps forward and distance my mind, body and soul from the horrible mistakes and behaviors I exuded. The old me is dead and gone and I proclaim that from the top of my lungs. Treatment won't stop now, it will continue. I have buried my past pain, my past actions. I am walking that road to recovery and reclaiming the things I want in my future and I won't simply stop because I have had good stretches. I don't want simply good stretches. I want great everything. Great life, career, family life, married life and I will be damned if I take this opportunity for granted and allow myself to revert. This change is permanent and real and I am NOT going back to that lifestyle ever. I want to learn to camp, to skin an animal, to camp on land as well as on a boat, to have a dog named Boogsy, to own a boat and learn to drive one. I want a truck and to learn how to fix it. I want a house that my hard work helped build/buy. I want my relationship with Kendall to take flight and become greater than it ever was. I want everything life has to offer. I want to show her that I am not the mistakes I've made and that the man I am is more than the physical. I can be the emotional, spiritual and everything in between. God has given me the tools to show her it can and will be better from here on out and I am determined to show her in every way, shape and form, in every minute of the day, every second and every moment. I can diffuse the doubt, reduce the uncertainty and make the extreme skepticism go away. It will be more than enough to build a life off of, to forge a new path out of the love that is here. I want to learn all things! I want to experience all things!