Frustration

I honestly cannot deal with people who micro-manage. People who do all of these things, that feel a compulsory need to belong, or to contain. 

I cannot stand when I am made to feel as if I am something that I am not. 

It's been a long four years. Four years of growth, four years of repetitive pain, of recycled hurt that have turned into strengthened pillars of me as a person. 

I get blamed for a lot in life; I get accused of plenty. The amount of times where I have been in the wrong are written all over me like an almanac. And I cannot truly speak to my shortcomings or my triumphs because I simply haven't had enough to be able to truly say whether I'm a good or bad person. 

All I know is that progress is the concept; however, I've struggled with facilitating that. Every bright day is followed by the darkest moon for me. It's very abrupt and sharp when my mind and emotions flip. It's not a warning, an alarm. Just out of nowhere my entire psyche is thrown into this internal tornado and I come out of it in a state mentally that I don't truly have the words to describe. 

I just wish I wasn't like this. So detached, so irrationally angry and aloof. I wish I had true control over this battle I fight everyday, over my urges, my reactions and my behaviors. 

It seems like a farce to blame it on one thing. But this is a more powerful entity than almost anyone could ever endure. But somehow, someway I've been allowed to survive this long.