I could use somebody

As I sit here in a pool of my tears and emotion I can't stop thinking about you. I'm ashamed of my actions. I'm disappointed in myself. I can't believe I let you down like that Kendall. I let down her whole family. I've given them zero reason to root for me or believe in my ability to fix things and love her right. I've given Kendall little reason to believe that I'm capable of fixing this. Why did I do those stupid things? Why was I so afraid she'd leave? Why do I feel breathless when she's not here. I love her so much. More than I can put into words. More than material possessions can ever show. She means everything to me. I hurt her severely. I pushed her away because of the stupidity of my past. I've made her wonder and question me as a person. But those actions are not who I am or the man I want to be. I want to give her the world. But first I must fix myself. I must gain control over me and my moods emotions and actions. I have to learn to love myself again. If I don't love myself he can I expect her to? I'm going to fix this. I'm going to show and prove to her that I can earn her trust and earn her back. She is worth it. She means too much for me to not give it my all. I wish you were here by my side, in my arms. I wish I could kiss your lips, feel your heat. Hear your angelic voice. I miss you baby and I'm so sorry I behaved in those ways. Disorder or not you deserve better and I vow to give you better. I love you.