Sleepless

As I sit here, one thing is certain. I cannot sleep. I can't block put the image of him on top of her, I can't block out the image of her kissing him, of him laying in my spot in her bed, just hours after I was there. I can't block out the disgust in my heart. I feel so low. I've been crying all night, I can't escape it. I can't avoid and ignore it. It's the only thing on my mind. Why? Why?!? It's my fault. I can't sleep because it will dominate my nightmares and eject me from my sleep back to this nothingness. The silence of the night. I'm so hurt, I'm so so so hurt. I've never felt this worthless, this expendable and replaceable in my life. I ... I can't even vocalize. I need to get out of here, this house; I can't even be in my bed because it reminds me of her, which reminds me of everything that happened. Sitting on this balcony I am trying, I'm trying to ignore it but I can't. I can't close my eyes. I can't fall asleep.