Caving in

So much of me wants to cave in and text her, but I know I shouldn't talk to her yet. I should wait until I'm more deserving. Until I am better. I can't project being strong much longer. I'm so weak and broken on the inside. I have issues and I'm man enough to admit that I need and am getting help. I'm going to be a better man, I can feel myself progressing. No matter what I still love her so much. "I don't want to close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep, tell me how can I be fly without the wind beneath my wings?" I don't deserve her yet. I don't deserve to talk to my love yet. But I'm getting closer. Every time I pray I feel more sure of what I need to do. Of the things that I am going to have to do. It's never been clearer than it is right now. I've finally forgiven myself for everything that I've done in my entire life. I'm starting to assure myself more and make more conscious decisions on my own. I miss Kendall so much, so so very much. I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you gently. I want you babe. Nothing less. I want you from now until my last breath. I can show my progress and my transition. It's going to be the brightest sun, the clearest moon on that day. I'm excited for it. For her, me and us. God has begun to show me his plan for accomplishing what I'm setting my mind to.