Last Night

I don't know what happened last night. I wish I did. She said that I only care now, that I didn't care then. That I took her for granted.
I did take you for granted at times, but that is NOT all I ever did. I took you for granted at times babe and I'm sorry! I didn't ever want that to happen. I did hurt you and made you angry in so many ways and I didn't want that to happen baby.
Do you think I wanted to hurt you like this? That I wanted this to happen. I know you feel it's a cop out but I wasn't in control of my emotions, I was struggling with self and with releasing the anger, pain and hurt I carried with myself for my entire life. I began to open up to you but I ended up not being able to control what I let out and instead of the love I let out the pain and it projected onto you which I didn't want to happen. I didn't know how to open up to you and show you the storm going on in my heart. I'm so sorry that I couldn't just say it. I was so incapable of letting you see all the things that were slowly destroying me, that I held onto unnecessarily. I punished myself and put myself in a self imposed hell that broke me.
I was broken, I was wrong, I did hurt you an I regret that I did everyday. I'm not a perfect person, not by any stretch of the imagination but my love is. My love is so perfect, it has helped me climb out of hell, it has given me the tools to alleviate the hurt, to release the pain and emotional baggage I carried with myself. You deserve a better man and I am right here. I'm sorry for everything that I did to you. I'm not perfect, no one is. I am not my mistakes, I am not the person I was.
If you still care for me and love me the way I know you do, talk to me, have a conversation, open up your mind and heart to another chance. I'm working to deserve it, I'm making sure I earn this and can forge a forever. Baby it's you, today, tomorrow, 10 years from now, 85 years from now. Don't just give me the chance I'm asking for, make me earn it. Make me work everyday to earn your time and affection. Make me earn every second I spend with you. Trust me you're worth it and I am worth it. See me for the man I am Kendall Rae. Let me take you on a date, a REAL one, not just the typical movie and dinner. I have so many ideas to take you on a date. Let me earn the right to call you mine once more.
I love you, not on the surface, not just through words but in my heart, in my soul. I love you this big, I can't even show it on this page. I miss you baby, I miss your voice, I miss your smile. I know right now you're hurt, you're angry, but see me for the man I am and you will see why I know that we can make it. I see the man I the mirror that you deserve, that I deserve. It can be so beautiful Kendall Rae. Open up your mind, open up your heart. Kendall Rae Vickers may I take you on a date? (I'm paying of course)
May I let you see the man I've become and the man I will be for the rest of my days? Just talk to me, I miss our conversations. Lets go back to the way it was on October 28th, 2011 when we spoke for the first time. Baby I miss you, I love you Raebug. I'm sorry for what I was, what I did. But that me is dead and gone. My mistakes have been eliminated. The will not resurface again. I promise you I'll love you everyday and treat you in every second the way a queen deserves to be treated because you are my queen. I'm so sorry ad I ask that you could forgive me and see me for the man I am now, not the mistakes I've made. I can't wait to talk to you baby. I miss you!