I always planned my entire life on the premise of being alone, of being by myself. Whether this was a defense mechanism, me forcing myself to ignore the other side or me just being plain stupid. Whatever it was I had a thought process that was off center in that way. I didn't believe in those movies where they experience true love and fight with everything in their bodies to prove to the other person that they are worth it, that their love can be the foundation to which they can build off of. That they will travel to the ends of the earth to earn the love of their "One and Only." But now I see that this is true. I see that I am an example of one of those people. I have found true love and I don't care how much of a fool I may look like, how stupid others may perceive me as. I'm crazy about Kendall. Every waking moment, every sleeping second. I love her in the most absolute way possible.
No matter what you've done or why it happened it doesn't matter to me. Your past is just that, past. I cannot hold anything against you because I would be a hypocrite. I have a past that isn't pretty nor is it becoming of a man. But I have worked undyingly to make us a possibility again. You are my dream babe.
If one were to come up to me and ask me what my dream in life is, this is what I would say:
My dream is to love Kendall Rae more every day than I did before. My dream is to learn to hunt, to camp outside under the stars, to live in Arizona for the rest of my life. My dream is to have a great career that allows me to have a fantastic connection with my children and my baby. My dream is to earn Kendall's love back and to show her that I am the man I need to be to have the life with her that she deserves and that not another day will go by that I lose sight of what matters most to me in life, love and family. She represents both. I dream that one day Carter will teach me to hunt and carve up an animal, teach me to shoot a gun and help me understand the outdoors, that he will one day show me how to drive a boat. I dream that I will have animals, hopefully a dog that I can name Boogsy and she will be an amazing pet. I dream of family vacations and trips. I want to learn to be a better man from the men I have met in the time I've been here. I dream of one day being able to reach out to Mr. Loren, Brad, Mark and Brandon to go to them as mentors and learn about life from them. They are four of the few real men I have ever encountered. I dream that one day I can go to Courtney and Momma Sue to ask them for tips and little ways to surprise her. I dream that on my wedding day I can sing and sound well, that I can play the guitar and sing that most beautiful song. I dream of having an all black F-150, that I can build a shed, maybe even a house one day. My dream is to stay here, because I love Northern Arizona. I love the people, the small town feel. I love the closeness of the Vickers family. I love the way Flagstaff smells in the morning. I love the way she smiles at me when she rolls over. I miss talking to her, I miss her voice.
If you ask me what My Dream is that is what I would say. I have complicated that dream. My actions of the past have been something of conflict. They have made Kendall not see the possibility of an us again. But I vow to not go back to the person I was. I dedicate myself to being better mentally, emotionally, spiritually and socially not simply for me. But for all the aforementioned people, my family, her, her family, my friends. Everyone. This love can transcend generations, can defy the odds, it can and will endure. You are my dream.
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