Torn up.

It should be me ... I should be there with her. I shouldn't have messed up. I regret the way I was. Today should've been the first of many anniversaries we shared. I can't hold the tears in. I can't fight them back. I wish I could. I wish. I pray night and day for just one, one more opportunity to show her that my love, that this effort, dedication and change is forever. I miss you so much Kendall Rae. I love you eternally. My mistakes are in the past. My mistakes taught me everything I needed to know and learn, everything I've lacked for my entire life. I am a changed man and I hope you can find it in your heart to give it one last Hail Mary effort. I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. It's you I want. No one else. I was a fool, I was an idiot. But can we love again? Can we put both of our pasts, our mistakes and shortcomings in the grave and start fresh? I know that we can. It just takes one risk, one step. I know you don't think we are good for one another, that we can't make it but look at how far we've come as individuals and as a unit. We can push through these dark clouds and see the sun once more. Saying I'm sorry doesn't make it alright, but if we try we can make it. My actions, clarity and perspectives have shown me that I am capable of giving you the world. I don't have the family background that you know but I want to build that with you, for you, because you have shown me how much family means in life. You are my family, my rock. I want you here for all of life's adventures. My crazy day yesterday left me sad because the one person that would've been proud of me and been able to laugh at the story I couldn't contact. I'm coming right straight from the heart and I can't one any other way. Just give it one more shot Raebug. You won't ever regret the choice. I can promise you that.