Weight

I wake up every morning with a heavy heart. My dreams, they're so beautiful and I wake up to this. I wake up to myself clutching a pillow wishing it was you.
I miss hearing your voice, I miss hearing I love you. It's been so long since I've heard that at all. I miss being held, being told everything is going to be okay. I miss being cared about. I miss hearing about your day, your classes and what your making for lunch. I miss you wanting to talk to me.
I promise I'm not a bad guy, I'm not the mistakes I've made. I'm worthy of a true conversation again.
I cry every morning and every night missing you, hoping that there will be a knock on my door and it'll be you standing on the other side. I miss how safe I felt in your arms, how safe I felt with you in mine. I miss your lips, your skin.
I push myself so hard to fight the urge to give up daily. My motivation, my desire, my dream is what pushes me forward daily. I can't give up and go back.
I know I have just a little left to go, I just wish you'd talk to me, let me in and let me hear your voice. I know you're angry at me and you're hurt and I caused that. I'm so sorry babe. I didn't ever mean to drive you away or act in those ways.
We can make it through this and not have to look back or return to those actions, behaviors, arguments and frustrations. I know you may not think change can come but it has. I haven't felt more real, more like me in my life. Give me a chance, let me show you and everyone else that I'm a man, not a hollow shell. That I'm able to explain my actions where I couldn't before. That I can communicate like I want to without the past creeping out of the corner and ruining life. Just one more chance bug. My words are the caption to what I can illustrate for you through actions and time.
Don't give up on me. I can earn it. I'm ready. I'm not what I was. I love you so much. Everyday I thank god for you. You changed the game, you took the crown and you make me a better man than I can ever be.

I love you Kendall Rae.