Batten Down the Hatches

You know, they say there's something to be remembered about karma ... Karma has this inate ability to come back and tear you to pieces. Karma can take the greatest things in your life and completely invert them. 

Tonight/this morning karma and life somehow destroyed the old me that was beginning to emerge. I lost sight of the true nature of people. I lost sight of the mask I had so painfully mistaken to be veiled over me. I realized that it is a mask worn by others. That other people can truly damage a soul. That it isn't what you lose in the battle of life; it's what others are willing to take and see taken from you. 

I've sacrificed a lot of myself the last few years to see others succeed and endure. I also have begun to see that my life isn't one of those stories that has that blessed quaint happy ending. My life is an uncompleted checklist that may never be finished. I may never have the simple little things my peers have and will obtain. For me, the simplest things in life seem to be an insurmountable pile of pure shit that has consumed the path I was intended to have taken in my life. 

I've seen the next few steps ahead and I continue to ask why it seems like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders yet cannot seem to find the end to this prison I'm trapped in. 

I close myself off not in fear of getting hurt, I do it so that others don't ever have to feel or experience the gravity of my life's experiences. So they never know how heavy my burdens are. I'd rather deal in silence than let others feel the pain and anguish I do on a daily basis.