Pounding the Gavel

Why can't the past be the past? 

Why does a good person have to go through so many bad times?

I'm one of those aforementioned people. I've gone thru so much in my  life that I never should've had to go through. 

One thing I can't seem to shake is the judgement I receive for my past. I've done a lot of things that I personally am not proud of. I'm not the perfect person and I can readily admit that. The things I have done are stark in contrast to the person I am and the things I believe. I never wanted to find myself as a victim of my own self serving and hollow actions. 

Somehow every time something shows promise or even the slightest bit of difference from what I'm used to experiencing or have had in the past the mask that I hid behind for the last few years peeks out from the corner that I had buried it in. No matter what I say, do or show to people I'm still for one reason or another cast as some bad human being with no potential to be honest or be taken for my words weight and character. 

This is one of the reasons why my life is structured the way it is. I work early mornings/late nights to avoid the polarity of my life. I separate myself from society because I would rather be lonely and depressed than judged. I can't handle the ways that I'm thrown to the wolves on a daily basis and somehow I stave off the inevitable that I'm one day going to have to face. 

I've already paid my repentance and have stood and taken the repercussions of my actions. I ask that as human beings, who are all imperfect and regretful of things they've done. 

If you don't and wouldn't want to be judged and cut down because of your past, then you are in like with all of us who feel that way. We don't live this life to avoid mistakes. We live this life to embrace our shortcomings and bad decisions to grow and progress out of them. 

Lest we forget our dumb decisions. They are universal. So the expectation to not be judged is also universal. 

"Please don't judge me, cuz I won't judge you. Cuz it could get ugly, before it gets beautiful." 

- Chris Brown

A fitting person to get a quite from on this subject if I could say so myself.