What if I had kissed that girl instead of this one
What if I had stayed in that night
What if I had never transferred schools
What if I had chosen track.
Why kind of human being would I be? Full of contrition and acceptance of the human condition or would I be this blubbering sycophant.
Would my days flow smooth or would I face uphill battles much worse that what my already fragmented existence can fathom.
I feel every single intimation and emotion in my daily life and to say it is hard wild be to sell everything I have gone thru and continue to go thru. Maybe I'll never know if there is that one person who can show me the path that I was destined to take. Maybe that moment of clarity, where the entire world slows to a crawl and I can see that chasm open up never comes.
What if a normal life is something I'll never attain. If this diagnosis and plague that fills body, mind and soul worsens and detaches me further.
How will I ever know if I made the right choice? How will I know if I'm the right me? How can someone who has spent their best, brightest days so lost ever know when they have been found within themself?
I've lived among the dark skies and clouded horizons and I will never know if I'll be enough for the longer march. There's nothing I can do to facilitate or force this unveiling.
Daily I walk around with the weight of a world hung around my neck and there are days I don't feel I can even look others in the eyes because I don't feel like they'd ever understand. But if everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am ...
Even if I don't make it ... Everything will be ok? Right ... These things happen I guess.
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