What I wish I had done

I sit here drunk out of my mind, I've had 10 shots and I drank so I could escape from my hell, my reality. No one truly knows how low I feel. I've never wanted to fix something more. I've never wanted to prove that she and I can work more. It will take time, I know that. But I know it will come. And when that day comes I will be ready to act. I will be ready to make amends for the disrespect I've shown toward her family, toward her, toward our relationship. She means the world to me and I hurt her severely. I don't deserve her love. Her love is so pure, so validating. Her love is salvation, it is the cure for the ills of human kind. She is my Helen of Troy. She makes the world make sense. When I'm with her I feel whole, I feel important. She is so kind, sweet, loving. Her voice is my compass, she is angelic in every sense of the word. Kendall is everything and more. I know you're angry baby. I know you're hurting. I wish I never was broken, I never was a fragment of a man. But I vow to fix this, to make us better because I know your love makes everything worth it. You make all the struggles in life worthwhile. I love you, I love you to the end of time all the way to the end of the galaxy and beyond. I love you like I love water, like I love football, like I love your love, ten fold. I want to marry you one day, give you the world and have a family with you. No other but you. I know that seems like a long shot, but believe in me babe. It will happen and I will work and give every ounce of me to you and for you. I love and miss you. Forever and always.