The weight of the world bears down on my shoulders. I walk with the sins of my father. He was such a piece of shit to women that his punishment seems to be falling on me.
I wasted energy in girls I saw potential in. It's the worst feeling to be genuine and try knowing that you have no chance from the start. I used to be a man that could look in the mirror and be proud of the difference I represented. Now that hope, that charismatic naiveity is just a facade for the horrifically damaged, wounded monster that lies beyond the mask.
I'm over everything
I'm over hoping tomorrow's going to be better, looking for a happy ending. I'm tired of that moment when someone has you in their complete control and can undoubtedly destroy what semblance of confidence is still left.
I hate what I've become. I've become a man who preaches love, consistency and effort but can't for the life of me seem to find that for myself. I no longer believe in the timeless ideal that man falls in love with woman, they ask the father for permission and they love each other the rest of their lives happy together, madly in love.
I don't believe in that not because the effort or consistency aren't possible. I disbelieve because girls aren't capable of seeing how hard it is to overextend yourself and be that on a limb, that alone. It's not easy to push yourself to that place where you can even ask.
I just wish that relationships weren't a historical tale or myth. I wish people would stop with the "I'm not looking for anything" excuse.
Be real. And maybe you'll find someone that makes all the rough patches, all the lonely sad nights and all those wild weekends worth it.
I used to think I could be that man.
I used to think I could be a man.
Now I just sit here in the dark wiping back tears of the monster that masquerades as a man. Only to realize monsters don't have hearts that heal. They stay this way way, for all of those outside the castle walls to see.
I'll never be the man I could've been.
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